These are funny family quotes taken (mostly) out of context, for your enjoyment. They begin when our kids were 2 (Anabelle) and less than 1 (Desmond) for reference…
Paul: “What flavor yogurt would you like, Anabelle?”
Anabelle: “That’s a great question, Daddy!”
—6/1/15
Jenny: “Anabelle, change your pull-ups into underwear.”
Anabelle: “Yes, mother.”
--6/2/15
Anabelle: “Let’s go outside and play with chalk. How about THAT? How about that?”
--6/5/15
Anabelle: “My wand doesn’t work. It needs batteries…” (Leaves and gets batteries out of storage in cabinets, comes backs with AA batteries)….
Paul: “We need to get the battery door off.
Anabelle: “How about the screwdriver? How about the screwdriver?”
--6/5/15
Paul: “Do you want me to bring your pillow?”
Anabelle: “I have 2 pillows. ”
Paul: “I have 3 pillows.”
Anabelle: “I’m gonna have 3 pillows too when I get older like you.”
-7/15/15
Desmond falls down on his knees and one shoulder…
Anabelle: “Look, he’s doing yoga!”
--7/16/16
Flipping through pages, looking for a particular story and page in a book….
Anabelle:
“I feel like I saw it.”
--7/18/15
Driving home in the rain…
Anabelle: “We can’t go home. It’s raining.”
Paul: “We can go home. The rain can’t stop us.”
Anabelle: The rain WILL stop us.”
--7/24/15
Anabelle: “Let’s go shopping.” (Grabs toy cart and starts pushing.)
Paul: “What are we shopping for?”
Anabelle: “Play-doh and peppers. Let’s get peppers first.”
--7/24/15
Driving home in the rain…
Anabelle: “Please stop singing, Daddy. Can you get me a rainbow, please?”
--7/24/15
Anabelle: “We need to get the van, so we have an umbrella. Mommy has an umbrella in the van.”
Paul: “I don’t have an umbrella in the Jeep.”
Anabelle: “I have one. It’s pretend. Here, take it.”
--7/24/15
Driving over a high bridge, pretending to be scared…
Paul: “Look, we’re way up high on a bridge. Oh nooo, what are we going to do?”
Anabelle: “It’s ok, Daddy, don’t worry. We’re going back down now.”
--7/24/15
Paul: “Annie, what did you decide on for a bedtime snack?
Anabelle: “I need to get some lotion on my legs (leaves and gets lotion and puts on legs).
--7/24/15
Anabelle: “Do you like my oval, daddy?
Paul: “yes, I like it.”
Anabelle: “Good, I’m glad you like it.”
Paul: “I’m glad you’re glad I like it.”
Jenny: “I’m glad Daddy’s glad that Annie’s glad that Daddy likes it.”
Anabelle: “What does that MEAN?”
--7/27/15
Jenny drops Anabelle’s yogurt on the floor…
Anabelle: “Try not to make a mess, mommy.”
--7/27/15
A: “When I get older, I want to be a baby like Desmond.”
--8/1/15
After we switched the office with the playroom and Anabelle saw it for the first time:
Anabelle: “What is this room? You changed it! This is so cool; this is so cool!”
--8/1/15
Anabelle: “I DON’T want to go to church.”
Paul: “Why not?”
Anabelle: “There’s too many people.”
--8/1/15
Paul reading a Dr. Seuss book, tongue twisters
Anabelle: “Are you speaking Spanish, daddy?”
Anabelle starts speaking fake Spanish
--8/10/15
Paul explains to Anabelle that she is drinking less water at night because it makes her go pee and we are trying to help her sleep through the night without going pee.
Anabelle asks to get up and use the potty, and when she does, she asks, “I’m going pee. Now, can I have some water?”
--8/10/15
After Anabelle requests that her sound machine be turned upside down so that it does not cast scary shadows in her room at night…
Anabelle: “Actually, I don’t like the shadows anymore.”
--8/10/15
Anabelle comes in the bedroom behind Paul, closes the door and blocks him from going back out.
Anabelle: “What’s the password?”
Paul: “Lightbulb”
Anabelle opens the door
--8/12/15
Paul gets frustrated while putting Anabelle to bed and tells her sharply to lie down. Anabelle lays down on her stomach crying, Paul apologizes for being impatient.
Anabelle (while still crying): “Do you forgive me, daddy?”
--8/12/15
Anabelle brings a small scrap of a popped balloon to Paul.
“Can you blow this up?”
“No, it’s broken.”
“Can you try?”
-9/20/15
Jenny tries to correct Anabelle, who is dressed as a princess, for some behavior.
“No, I’m a princess. Don’t do that.”-A
“To be a princess, you need to be kind and loving.”-Jenny
“I don’t know how to do that. Will you teach me right now?”-A
-9/20/15
Can you help me put this on correctly?-A
-10/2/15 re: putting on a headband
-“What are you trying to fix? Oh, this goes over here. The volume is right there”.-A
-10/1/15 Trying to help Paul fix the TV/stereo connection
Do you speak a lot of Spanish?-A
Only a little bit.-Paul
I speak a lot of Spanish.-A
10/2/15
Snoop Dog comes on TV criticizing Josh Scobee for missing field goals in Baltimore vs. Pittsburgh football game
“He’s a dog.”-A
What?-Paul
“He looks like a dog.”-A
10/2/15
Desmond chokes a little and coughs while eating right outside bathroom. Paul’s in bathroom and hears really fast footsteps. Anabelle appears around the corner running to Desmond. She had gotten down from eating lunch and run to him saying, “Desi was choking. I heard him. That was scary. He was choking.”
10/2/15
Anabelle dresses up in costume, with a purple wig. Looks in mirror.
“I look great. I look good. I look stylish”-A
Then to Paul: “You don’t look great. You need a wig.”
10/3/15
Anabelle lathering her entire arms at the sink
Andrea: “What are you doing?
Anabelle: “Washing my hands.”
Andrea: “Well, you don’t have to wash your whole arms.”
Anabelle: “I thought it would be funny.”
Andrea: “It’s not really funny.”
Anabelle: “Well, it’s a little bit funny.”
11/4/15
Anabelle pushes Desmond down.
Jenny corrects and disciplines her.
Jenny: Why did you push him down?
A: I saw him walking and I thought it would be funny.
After discipline, Anabelle is crying.
A: “I’m sorry. I won’t push him down again. But it was a little funny, right?”
11/3/15
Andrea tells Anabelle she needs to use the potty before her nap.
A: “But my brain didn’t tell my body that it needs to go potty!”
11/4/15
Anabelle grunting while on potty.
A” The grapes are not going yet. It’s not going. Mommy said it.”
P: “The grapes are keeping you from going?”
A: “Yeah Oh, no. It’s blocking my stomach!
P: The grapes are blocking your stomach?
A: Yeah. Grapes! Don’t block my stomach! Ok, I won’t. I won’t block your stomach.
P: That’s very cooperative grapes you’re talking to.
A: “Thank you. You’re welcome. The grapes said you’re welcome.”
10/27/15
Paul: Anabelle, do you need to go use the potty?
A: No.
P: What about your bladder?
A: Bladder, do you need to go potty? No, I don’t.
Bladder doesn’t have to go either.
11/3/15
Paul is putting Desmond to sleep in his room with the door closed. Anabelle comes in…
A: Don’t you want some company?
Paul shakes his head in silence. Anabelle leaves.
Anabelle comes back in a minute later.
A: What is the word for lion…in Spanish?
P: I don’t know. Leo?
A: No, I don’t think so.
Anabelle starts to leave and turns around before walking out the door…
A: That’s all I wanted to say.
Anabelle comes back in with a pillow for Desmond.
A: Try singing A-B-Cs next.
—12/1/15
Twenty Questions:
A: Does it exist?
P: Yes
A: Is it gravity?
P: No
A: Is it a teacup?
P: NO
A: Oh, okay. I was thinking it was something fragile.
--5/13/16
A: What is that saying?
P: What saying?
A: Don’t cry over spilled milk.
P: Where is it? Nowhere, in our brains.
A: Are our brains for real?
P: Yes, inside our heads, soft and spongy.
A: What about SpongeBob? Is his brain for real?
P: No, SpongeBob is pretend. So his brain is pretend. Where did you watch SpongeBob?
A: At MaMa’s house. I think SpongeBob’s brain IS for real.
--5/13/16
A: Can we watch N G O?
P: What?
A: I was trying to spell TV.
Anabelle is checking around a box that is resting on something.
A: Why isn’t the box stable?
Checks under the box, finds a toy car.
A: Ohhh, that’s why it wasn’t stable. There’s a car under it.
—5/15/16
Anabelle calls Jenny, has an entire conversation and then hangs up.
A to P: She said she wasn’t available…Just kidding, she was available.
—5/16/16
P to A: That’s it, you’ve done it. I’m a robot now.
A: Me, too. I’m a robot. You crushed my heart.
—5/20/16
A: Can we go to the N G O?
P: What?
A: I was trying to spell playground.
--5/27/16
Anabelle walks into the office.
A: Um, I have a plan.
P: What’s your plan?
A: If I clean up the living room and my room, I get a piece of gum.
P: Ok, go ahead and clean it up.
A: I already did.
P: You already did?
A: Yeah, I’m a fast little girl.
P: Wow, you are fast.
A: Yeah, so can I get the gum now?
--6/14/16
Chupacabra
For a few months, all of my stories to Anabelle contained the element of a Chupacabra. It was foreshadowed by a rustling in the bushes, and a glimpse of a brown furry rump. He usually did nothing but emerge, cackle, and run away. Anabelle got tired of it and started asking me to not include it in any more stories. “Please don’t put the chupacabra in the story. You don’t have to do that. I don’t understand why you put him in there.”
If there is ever any suspicious rustling in the forest or bushes in a story, she says, “Don’t let it be the Chupacabra!”
One time, when telling her a story in the bathroom at AutoSpot Tire Pros, I introduced the chupacabra. She said nothing, but lowered and tilted her head and glared at me. I busted out laughing. It was too funny.—July-November 2016
Paul is putting Anabelle to bed, reminds her not to get up or call out during the night.
A: “Well, I probably will call out, for multiple reasons.”
Paul laughs.
A: “I Learned that from you. From you and Mommy.”
--11/1/16
Paul checks his CNN app on phone, morning after election, 11/9/16
A: “They’re going to say ‘Donald Trump’.
--11/9/16
Overheard Anabelle praying in the bathroom, after she got a splinter
A: “God, I am going to let Daddy take out the splinter in 10 minutes. I will NOT be afraid!”
Overheard Anabelle praying
A: “God, TAKE AWAY this dream!”
Running joke: At the end of stories, I usually conclude with a family having a big meal then going to sleep for a long time. Anabelle one time asked, “They fell asleep on the table??” Since then, she asks the same question at the end of each story, when I act outraged and tickle her in mock frustration. Now, even if I emphasize, “Then they went to their beds and fell asleep for 10 hours…” She still asks “On the table??” expecting the outrage and tickling.
Now, Desmond asks it too, with a huge smile.
September-November 2016
Anabelle and I have a habit of saying “Yep, yep, yep” from the Land Before Time movie. We had a running argument about which character said it. I always said Littlefoot, and she said Ducky. Well, we finally decided to watch the movie together and settle it. Anabelle was right. So now, whenever one of us says “Yep, yep, yep”, one or the other says “Ducky” and the other one says “Daddy said Littlefoot!” as a tease. Now, Desmond has caught on and anytime he or someone else says “Yep yep yep” he adds “Ducky! Littlefoot!”
--11/17/16
3/30/17
I’m trying to write my name, Daddy. You’re distracting me!
Desmond
I’m gonna toot on you-A
No don’t toot on me. That’s stinky!-D
Later…”I’m gonna toot on you!”-D
Isn’t that fantastic?-A
After drinking water…
Wow, I was dehydrated!-A
I’m going to fix my bed so mommy will be happy!-D
What are you doing?-D
Reading a book.-P
That’s not a book. That’s an IPad.-D
Well, it’s a nook. You read books on it.-P
Oh, okay. I like that.-D
(Desmond going into our bedroom)
I’m going to get some paper. Okay, Daddy? Don’t be made at me.-D
5/3/17
After a caterpillar Anabelle found and put in butterfly habitat died…
A: Cali (the caterpillar) went to paradise. Will you be in paradise with me when I die?
P: Yes, I hope so.
A: And then I’ll get my new body.
P: And then you’ll go…
A: To heaven
Anabelle pointing to a group picture with Paul at the back…
A: Hey, who is that in the back? (smiling) His eyes look like yours…His neck looks like yours…His cheeks look like yours. HEYYY!! Daddy, that IS you! (joking)
D: Look! The clouds are moving!
A: No, the clouds aren’t moving. The world is moving under the clouds.
D (resignedly): Okay, the world is moving under the clouds.
5/25/17
A: Can I get gum?
P: No
A: Can I get gum?
P: No
A: Can I get gum?
P: No
A: Can I get (inaudible) gum?
P: No
A: YAY!!!
P: Why are you cheering
A: Because I said “Can I get not gum?” but you didn’t hear me so you said no.
Desmond, mad at Anabelle
D: You’re gonna get stung by a bee, Anabelle!
P: Desi, that’s not nice!
D: I’m just pretending, Daddy.
A: Desi doesn’t like me, Daddy
P: Yes, he does
D: I like my sister.
P: See?
D: I like you…and I don’t like you.
A: When I grow up, I’ll be an adult. I’m going to have pretty babies. I’m going to have two babies. I know I can handle it. Because I see you guys and you can handle us.
D: Daddy, Anabelle shot me
P: Anabelle, don’t shoot at Desmond.
D: Shoot yourself, Anabelle.
D: Where’s mine? It’s in the van. Actually, it’s not in the van.
6/1/17
D (looking out our glass backdoor at the pond behind our house at sunrise): Look at the water. It’s beautiful.
Desmond sneezes.
D: Daddy, you need to say “bless you” when I sneeze.
P: Bless you, Desmond.
D: Not like that. Slower.
P. (Slower) Bless you, Desmond.
D. That is correct. Thank you.
P: Anabelle, will you still always love me when you get older?
Anabelle makes a confused face
A: Of course, you know I always will Daddy. Even when I’m ten thirty, I will. Wait, that’s not an age. Even when I’m ten twelve.
6/15/17
Anabelle is hopping around saying, “Look. I’m a kangaroo.”
P: “Anabelle, you need to be cleaning up right now.”
A: “Sure, Daddy, I’ll hop to it.”
6/22/17
Anabelle is teaching “class” to Paul and Desmond.
A: “Okay, class, we’re going to have school.”
P (chanting): “We want a story! We want a story!”
A: “Okay, if you’ll stop chanting we can do something….So this is what you’re going to do…”
P: “I have an idea. Can you tell us some words that start with ‘G’?”
A: I’m trying to tell you what we’re going to do…Well, ok, let’s see what you got.”
During a Dora movie, when Dora asks the audience if they can help her find something…
A: “Probably”
Anabelle is trying to wake up Paul from a nap
P: “I can’t get up. I’m so tired.”
A: “You’re not that tired. I don’t trust your judgment.”
6/29/17
Anabelle burps…
P: “Bless you.”
A: “Daddy, you don’t say bless you when I burp. You say ‘Excuse you’ when I burp. You say “Bless you” when I sneeze.”
P: I think you’re right.
A: “You don’t THINK I’m right. You KNOW I’m right.”
7/3/17
Anabelle reads her first (small) book—DOT.
7/4/17
To Jenny’s mom and dad, Paul, and Jenny:
A: “Guys, I just want to prepare you: at 4:00 we’re going to do fireworks.”
We’re throwing “popits” fireworks at ants on the sidewalk..
A: “It’s like a meteor shower to the ants!”
7/5/17
A (pretending to be on the phone): Hello, 911? Please contact the police. Come arrest my brother. His name is Desmond Trimble. He’s on the corner of Mommy’s bed.
—7/6/17
A: Apparently, mommy said I can get a prize if I read the book.
A (to Desmond): Go away, you scalawag!
—8/2/17
A: This is the technique I use.
A: I’m looking for a particular book.
D: (while using the potty standing up): I have big boy status.
Anabelle makes a fort out of a ladder and blankets. Desmond begins climbing the ladder.
A: Desmond, get off! That’s not what this is for!
D: Actually, it is, Anabelle. It’s a ladder.
—12/1/17
Anabelle is mad at Desmond.
A: That’s it, Desmond. I’m not talking to you!
D: Actually, Anabelle, you’re talking to me right now.
—12/8/17
4/1/18
Desmond is having a meltdown because his cookie is cracking (in the van).
A: “Desi, Desi, calm down. It won’t change the flavor. Let’s calm down so we can have a good day today.”
D: “Ok, Anabelle, thank you. You know, sometimes you are really nice.”
11/28/18
D (doing a crab walk): “How do you like my technique?”
11/29/18
D: “Anabelle, get that white thing from the floor.”
A: “Desi, you’ll have to be more specific. There are a lot of white things on the floor.”
12/2/18
D: “I’ll get you a blanket Mommy. I love you.”
A: “And if you need anything else, Mommy, I can get it….Can I have gum?”
J: “What? Anabelle. Did you hear Desi? He wasn’t trying to get something. There’s a difference between being nice to somebody and trying to get something.”
A: “No, no! Those things were NOT connected!”
12/2/18
A: “I don’t want to die. I’m scared of that…”
P: “You don’t have to be scared. You can be with God, and you’ll be very happy, and he may even let you see what we are doing here.”
A: “Well, no, you’re going to die first because you’re older.”
P: “True. Then I’ll be able to meet you there.”
A: “But what about all the other planets? Why did God make them? I know he made Earth so we could live here, but what about the other planets? Why are they there? I know aliens aren’t real, so that’s not the reason.”
12/3/18
A: “Can I get a piece of guh-guh-guh?
P: “No.”
A: “ What? I can’t get a piece of girl time with Mommy (smiling)?”
12/5/18
A: “I was mad because Mommy was letting Desi antagonize me.”
P: “What does antagonize mean?”
A: “Well, like I was crying and Desi was laughing at me. Or if Desmond steps on my toe and is smiling. That’s an example. Or if I want something so Desmond grabs it. That’s what antagonize means.”
12/6/18
J: “Desmond, will you help me cook dinner?”
D: “I will consider that.”
J: “You will consider that?”
D: “Yes, like Paul says.”
J: “Like Paul says??”
D: “Yes, Paul doesn’t cook dinner that much.”
12/6/18
Jenny corrects Anabelle on the way to school in front of middle school neighbor Kamaya.
A: “Mommy, can I speak to you privately ?... You embarrassed me when you spoke to me sharply in front of Kamaya.”
3/17/19
A: (after yelling at Desmond about something): “I love being a mom.”
4/16/19
P: “Desmond, stop standing there. I know you’re doing it on purpose to get under Annie’s skin.”
A: “He’s not literally getting under my skin.”
P: “No, that means annoying you.”
A: “On Veggie Tales, Bob and Larry took the Bible too literally. When they read the scripture “A friend sticks closer than a brother, Larry glued himself to Bob…”
4/20/19
Jenny asks to turn around on Falling Waters to get coffee from home. While she goes inside,
A: Wouldn’t it be funny if one day we went somewhere really far, like California, no, Russia, no, Africa, and when we finally get there, after a boat ride and a plane, and everything, mommy says, “Paul, can we go back? I left my coffee at home?” And then daddy says, “Are you serious? We literally just got here!”
4/19/19
What happened today?
Well, at recess, Kayla just wanted to be miserable today. She sat down on the ground and tried to get me to sit down with her. I said, “No, those guys are having fun. I’m playing with them. But after I was done, she grabbed me and tried to make me sit down with her. I think she just wanted someone to be miserable with her.”
4/23/19
P to A after praying (Anabelle looks concerned): “What are you thinking about? Bananas? In pajamas? Anabelle shakes her head.
P: “Kayla?” Anabelle looks at Paul funny
A: Yes, it’s about Kayla. Kayla, Mia, Donna and Lucy all love me. They want to sit next to me. Then they say, “You never let me sit by you.” They get in arguments and get on green or orange (behavior chart)...It’s just too much for me. I don’t know how to solve it.”
4/23/19
D (to Kamiyah): Are those new nails? I like them. They’re pretend, right?”
P: Desmond, that was Mia and her sister Marley who walked by us.
D: I don’t think that was Mia. Mia usually wears a JoJo Siwa bow and a nice skirt or a nice shirt.
A:“Okay, Mommy. Can we end this conversation now?”
As Jenny was teaching her a lesson as a tangent to the bedtime story time
—5/9/19
J: “Oh, Anabelle, I’m so sorry that you are in pain.”
A: “Mommy!”
J: “What? I was trying to be serious!”
A: “That’s not what it felt like. It felt like you were my older sister and you were being mean and sassy.”
--5/11/19
D: “Mommy, I’m just curious as to why, in the first place, you thought I was done.”
--11/27/19
D: “I want to give Mommy presents, Anabelle presents, myself presents, Mama presents, Papa presents, but I don’t want to give my presents presents. That would be awkward.”
----11/29/19
D: “Daddy, what is more--infinity plus one hundred or one hundred plus infinity?”
P: They’re the same.
D: “oooh, that is awkward. Ok, I guess I’ll have sixty million then.”
--12/8/19
D: “Daddy, if it’s 89, then does everyone have a beard?”
--12/9/19
D: “Mommy, I’m sorry; I don’t like the chicken nuggets but I can’t hold it.”
J: “What? I don’t understand.”
D (whispering): “I’m passing gas.”
--12/11/19
Anabelle picks up the ornament with a picture of the ten commandments on it.
J: “What does it say?”
A: “It has two stones, that say, ‘I; I,I; I,I,I; I,V; V; V,I; V,I,I; V,I,I,I…”
--12/11/19
Desi is riding in the back seat without a seat belt for the short ride home, because he couldn’t get it buckled. He gets up out of his seat.
P: “Desi, if you get up again, you’ll get a spanking.”
A: “Unless you’re dead. Then you won’t get a spanking, because it would be pointless.”
--12/10/19
A: IF there’s one thing I could do, it would be to remove the “THE” from the “The Home Depot” sign.
--12/20/19
P: “Anabelle, when you get a little older, we’ll have you take a test that will tell us a little more about your personality.”
A: “Will you make a cardboard box look like your face, so I can punch it?”
--1/1/20